There are moments that define a community. 

Moments where pride, ego, and legacy, collide in a single room. Where history is carved into desks, with slams that resonate across stadiums, like the thump of our hearts resonating, blood coursing through our veins, the rhythm of a garand clip fired at perfect interval, all in the middle of a 1v1 clutch situation at map point. Columbus is that moment. The last bastion of a game too stubborn to die and too proud to fade quietly. Thirteen teams will descend on the Gaming Arena. Some come to defend a crown. Some come to settle scores. Others come because hope is a stubborn mistress. This is final. This is raw. This is for every player who ever edged a smoke on Toujane, who ever said “one more map” at midnight, who ever believed that friendship and fire and fearlessness could win just one more round. For some, this will be a coronation. For others, a collapse broadcasted in real time. Only one truth remains certain. When the NA smoke fades in Columbus, only one team will walk out as legends. The rest will only become distant stories filled with regret and penitence.

Here as follows, is a presentation of your teams. Some are competitive. Others less. But everyone has a chance to make noise. To make an impact. To be forever cemented in the North American Call of Duty 2 scene in the most competitive tournament of it’s time.

1. JANITORZ (harold, hostage, nytrix, jayy, gl4d)

Well, you can’t really blame the community. This team is now a majority-owned Canadian franchise. They accidentally became likeable after removing one singular guy, the most hated player in the community behind SirSnipeys; Woody. Ironically, losing Woody was the best PR move they ever made. The team instantly became less punchable and slightly more human right after he was cut.

But this is LAN 2. Nothing else matters. There is no way around it. Anything less than a trophy in Columbus is a failure for Janitorz. This is the team that ravaged through the GoTN season with almost no blemishes, and secured most online events, sending almost everyone but x6 and Bricked home with 13 to 6 losses. They come in as the number one seed, the supposed final boss of the event, and more aim, confidence, and stability, than any Janitorz roster iteration before them. With Jayy, Glad, Harold, Hostage, and Nytrix, this roster has everything except a decent reason to be liked. They will say it’s a day like any other. Just another weekend. But everyone knows. The pressure is real this time. They are here to erase last LAN’s 4th place, or die trying, and if this team does not win… I guarantee you my ride back to Toronto will be very very quiet. One wrong statement and I’ll be on the roof sucking air.

2. BRICKED UP (doug, mylo, polo, 1Shot, dirty_german)

If Janitors don’t think the pressure is real, Bricked Up came to Columbus bowling over that concept. Every team is just another speed bump for their highlight reel. And talking about highlight reel. Tipzy might have their LAN 1 frag video ready by LAN 3.  

They’ve already got a trophy, and with their experience, training in the trenches with the toothless euros on Sundays, and elevated swagger levels that can see through smoke, they walk into LAN like kings who never learned humility. They don’t just play games, they steamroll you at every opportunity, grinning while they mop the floor of your remains. Confidence is their daily vitamin and arrogance is part of their DNA. They are, with or without question, the most complete team in the field, and they will remind you of that on every single map. If you thought an underdog could upset them, Bricked Up will crush that hope before halftime and leave their corpse for the hounds as a warning.

Mylo will perform, but will he carry maps as they Bricked has gotten accustomed to? Will Joey’s fearlessness be used against him by players who consider themselves superior intellectually? Will Doug show to all that he’s better than Panther, and not just an emotional support dog for his team this time around. Will Dirty’s and Polo’s adderall work at the appropriate time?

To be honest, unless they forget the smelling salts on the plane, I don’t see the boys hitting the bar before day 2 is over.

3. CHECK 6 (willzki, telly, lex, zondo, tanaka)

Check 6 are the runner ups of runner ups. The official silver medal program of Call of Duty 2. If there is a way to lose in the finals, in either the northern or southern hemisphere, Check 6 has already done it. They had a weak showing during Season 1 and spent most of the year cosplaying as contenders, riding the coattails of Dallas LAN before finally snapping out of it, cutting Eric over ‘intellectual disagreements’, and revamping the roster with Battalion war criminal Tanaka. They came back from their vacation of being competitive after GoTN s1, and let’s be honest, they didn’t peddle around. They think they should be number #1, acting like the chosen ones, and they’re honestly backing it up, and playing like it. Now, to everybody’s surprise but themselves, they are beating Janitors and Bricked, taking care of business in scrims, and announcing to the world that destiny is spelled X-6. Hard work is not their problem. Confidence is not their issue. The only thing in question is whether they are, honestly, just… completely insane. Or blinded by the smell of their own farts. If belief alone won championships, these guys would already be a dynasty. 

Just to be forward, this whole write-up isn’t destined and directed towards Zondo. The man is a gem and should be cherished. But Telly is an idiot, and Willzki went from the best all-around player to the best all-around smoke abuser in the community. Lex is Lex, but seems to have initiated a reformed arc a-la-Forsaken, and only just recently broke his bond to feud with Panther, which is completely commendable. And you know, Tanaka has a sick car, good looking piece of man, is a proven talented gamer, but went negative with scope at LAN 1. So who really knows what will happen.

It’s really all words and games until Check 6 gets into the server and is ready’d up. They’ve proven over the last year that they talk loud, but they usually deliver, and that’s a rare and important feat for any team to have.

They are arriving in Columbus with the energy of a team that might actually pull off the heist, or fly home in emotional body bags.

4. PLUS FORWARD (panther, bri$k, kosmo, shell, zack)

The team everyone wishes we forgot which is funny because we actually did 

Plus Forward were accidentally left out of the first draft of this preview, which is perfect, because no team embodies forgettable fraudulence like this one. Led by Panther in spirit, the most confidently stupid man in all of Call of Duty 2, this roster marches into Columbus powered entirely by delusion and recycled excuses. Panther talks like a mastermind troll but he is not trolling. He is simply oblivious. He will blame the sun, karma, cosmic alignment and childhood trauma before admitting he whiffed and went negative. The rest of the team is the only reason Plus Forward still exists. Kosmo does everything a good father can do and tries to make as much room for CoD2 to still perform. Brian is a young gun who can fully takeover games on pure mechanics and feel. Shell and Zack are dangerously close to being the best rifle duo in North America and they carry this roster in and out of the server, albeit, online. If Plus Forward wins anything it will be because of them. If they lose, Panther already has the post-match essay of excuses ready, and can also pile the blame and throw his teammates under the bus if needed. 

But with all this said, the bar isn’t as low as you’d think for this squad. They have a ridiculously talented roster on paper, all sharing the load of carrying the weight of 280 pounds of baldness, and honestly, John gives back by continuously encouraging, and keeping team vibes on the up and up. You can say all the trash you want about him, and you’d probably be right, but on the flip side, Panther is a good teammate, and it has been proven time and time again. 

The sky is the limit for this squad, but unfortunately for them, everyone would enjoy seeing them crumble, after all the shit their captain spit up leading up to LAN 2.

5. AWAKENING (tipzy, nilla, verb, xlzz, neoo)

 Awakening is as close as possible to being the oxymoronic definition of live asphyxiating. The High Noon squad still has their picture in the dictionary right below ‘shitting the bed’. Every time the lights come on and the match actually matters, they shrink like laundry on high heat. In scrims, they look clean, coordinated and confidently dangerous. But the second pressure appears, they transform into a group of terrified statues, proning in corners and holding angles, playing for themselves like their lives depend on it. Their entire identity is built on collapsing right when it counts most, retreating into themselves and praying someone else makes a play. But Awakening believes this LAN is their redemption arc. We won’t lie to you. History believes otherwise. 

But in all fairness, pickups of besties Neoo and Xlzzghost, LAN-proven veterans, and big-dicked gamers, have revamped this roster completely from LAN 1. It has made them exponentially more dangerous, fuelling the confidence of a young gun like Nilla, and alleviating the weight on the shoulders of veterans of the NA CoD2 scene in Tipzy and Verb. Don’t be surprised when they upset a top team and play with the composure Xlzz can muster for them. Nilla is very likely on my MVP watch. He has the supporting cast to perform, and expect most players to avoid him at all costs, crouching in corners until he plants in any clutch situation.

With vengeance on their mind, wanting to avenge GoTN playoffs and LAN 1, believe that Awakening, even with the experience of a roast like no other in this article, will rise and shine and perform, and fly out like a phoenix from the ashes in Columbus.

6. UNKNOWN PLAYERS (caseman, trump, nightmare, sixxer, nova)

No team has done more soul searching than UP, mostly because half their roster went missing for months in the Amazonian forest, chasing enlightenment and cheap thrills instead of CoD2 consistency. Trump is reportedly still somewhere overseas achieving inner peace at this moment, and will land Thursday night just in time to replace it with nicotine and violence. Sixxer will be fragging from the comfort of his sofa chair, and yes it is a sofa chair because the man leans back so far while playing he looks like he is trying to nap between kills. Nightmare is still the team’s emotional support male model whose smile alone could flashbang the entire Gaming Arena. Caseman remains a one man chaos engine who has never seen a bad idea he did not immediately attempt. His string of bad decisions is rivalled only by Panther’s early adulthood. To their defence, they both have owned up to turning men into women, and helping camgirls out of their favela. And then, newcomer Nova, has been grinding his way back from the dead and might actually be a real threat again, only if, and that’s a big IF, he does not get dragged into the inevitable degeneracy this roster generally produces. 

Honestly, this is my dark horse to make more noise than anyone would reasonably expect. Other than enjoying these gentlemen personally, I appreciate the work they’ve put into the game and the progress in their pace of play. I believe they’ll be the surprise next weekend. Not to say they’ll finish Top 3, but top 4 is very reachable.

UP is unpredictable in their predictability.

They could make an exciting run or literally implode on day 1 in typical Caseman fashion. Either way, everyone will be watching.

7. GOONS (athn, 1200, cru!zer, zexi, justSam)

Goons are the surprise team of the season, the kind of roster nobody expected to see in Columbus. And that’s partly because they harbor top 20 player Zexi, but here they are anyways, like a glitch in the matrix. Their biggest weapon is not their aim or their teamwork. It’s 1200 sitting in spawn for 1m30s every round like he’s being paid by the hour. If the LAN falls behind schedule Goons will be the reason. This was UP’s role last LAN but Goons have literally taken over the monkeying around business and forged their identity to it. 

Zexi arrives with enough online allegations to fill a police report, and this weekend will decide if he finally clears his name, or adds more charges. Meanwhile, if Athn manages to wake up for day 1, you can predict the smell of fresh herbs at the Gaming arena, and Athn’s increased heart rate, euphoria, and impaired coordination will be at the rendez-vous. Speaking of French, no one understands JustSam just yet, but best case scenario, Trump will be screaming sacrebleu’s and tabarnac’s from across the room to disrupt any concentration the frenchy can muster at his first LAN. 

I didn’t mention this last member yet, and that’s because, he is the end all be all of Goons. Mr. Cru!zer. Mike the Man. Most likely the community’s most loved human. Always calm, cool, and collected… and attractive, goes without saying. And this man has put in some serious work on his game, and by the same brush of a stroke, concocted a Molotov cocktail with the fire this team can bring. Some even call Goons HIS team. The calm before the storm is cru!zer himself. And trust me, you don’t want to stay to challenge it.

Mark my words. He will be the reason this team makes a run on day 2, or ends up at the bar at midnight on Saturday. Why not both though?

8. EMPYREAN  (redz, tox, trauma, kevlar, roflcakes)

EMP were built from heartbreak and leftovers after Brian and Tanaka left them the same way a dad goes to the corner store for cigarettes and never comes back. Most teams would have folded after that, but not EMP. The old Wizards re-branded, reloaded, and with spite, they turned into a discount version of Bricked Up, cheaper but still capable of beating you to death with raw mechanics. From fAMILY, to EMP, with roster changes and the addition of roflcakes, they scaled the mountain that is the CoD2 scrim landscape. When they play loose and free, they can be terrifying, swinging with zero fear and letting aim and nades carry rounds like an artillery unit. Confidence in their skill is never a problem. Confidence in their consistency is. If EMP lock in and play without hesitation, they can ruin somebody’s tournament and smile about it on the walk back to their BNB. 

A part of the community hopes they get knocked out quickly, for a reboot of the bracket cast of LAN 1 from Kevlar and Redz, which was an alcohol-fuelled experience that rivalled most of Jocco’s psychedelic frag videos.

On the serious side, if Kevlar and Redz don’t catch too many diseases on the plane ride to the Gaming Arena, and Tox and Trauma bolster up and carry that load, Roflcake’s rifleplay might be exactly what this team needs to make some noise and spoil the party in Columbus.

9. NEMESIS (everestt, broa, reflex, berry, yamato)

Obviously I have to be a little softer on my own team. The boys are in high spirits. But the road was tough. Losing Chuck to his wife was an understandable, but crazy turn of events, especially when he has carried us with his consistency and positive energy all season. Even losing Pooperman, who although seemed to eat nades like it was his job, also provided veteran-like presence, and a vibe for the team that no one can replace. But here comes Reflex, a fast learner, rectum enjoyer, and maniacal @er. The man is a breath of fresh air, although sometimes you wonder, what amphetamine is he really on. He brings in an extremely solid resume from CoD4, and his happy-go-lucky style and self-critique is more than welcomed when learning a new game filled with no-life losers (me). Broa, the other new addition to the roster, is a calm, collected, and anti-tilt companion for anyone with eyes to see and ears to hear. He has blessed Nemesis with his presence and looks to make an impact on his first dedicated and arguably talented team (according to him, sorry Vibes). He is a cherished human that truly uplifts us all. Billy ‘everestt’ is also a newcomer to the CoD2 scene, and has trialed through the buttplay pugs and getting dumpstered as a team in scrims for the whole of season 1. With wawa3daim as his new training grounds, and an arsenal of self-taught nades, he’s looking to truly find out what real CoD2 is. On lan, without antilag, and with a constant 15 ping. And last but not least, the nade king, the plant king himself, Daniel Berry. Well known as CAL-AC LUIS, the man is the king of CoD lore, knows everything about everyone, and that’s without mentioning his other accolades. He’s played at the highest level and has come back from his long break farming divines and mirrors in PoE. Well respected, but possibly underestimated, he’ll be whipping out his nade discord in between rounds on LAN to make sure he makes you think twice about playing that same spot again.

And then there’s me. I suck, I’ll get carried, and I’ll go negative with the scope on LAN, and probably get truly retired by Adept, somehow, someway, in revenge for his boy Jocco. In the end, it all comes circling back to bite you in the ass. But I think my team has the confidence, the game knowledge, and the raw skill to pull through, even through my future bad performances, to help us beat the odds and make something happen.

If not, you’ll see us at the bar.

10. ROLL THE DICE (eric, adeptz, brutal, timmer, phreak)

Roll the Dice is a wandering tribe of ex-Farmers in phreak and timmer, led into the fog by Eric, a fallen x6 warrior whose mind runs on a frequency only dogs and demons can hear. His lunacy might actually be their best win condition because this team thrives in disorder. Or rather, all this team knows is chaos and disorder. Adept can aim when he remembers that the objective is killing the other team and not arguing with everyone in the server. Brutal is one voice line away from being timed out from discord forever, and Adept must resist his addiction to feuds and focus on not beating himself. No speech from Eric can free Adept from his own demons. A Caseman retreat might help, but at this point, it’s probably too little too late.

The truth is Roll the Dice have put in real work over the last couple of months and it shows. But if they keep thinking the big cabal boogeyman has come for them, and they are fighting against all odds and come out with ridiculous excuses for every situation that occurs. Yeah, you better believe it, nothing good will happen in Columbus.

But give them a bo1 with a momentum start, and they might drag someone into a nightmare they never saw coming. If Brutal doesn’t complain about every single way he dies, he can be a steady presence for them if he’s locked in. Timmer and phreak can surprise anyone with some extremely solid bolt play.

Look for them in the play-ins trying to make history repeat itself, as phreak did, when he defied all odds with Here2Party in Dallas.

11. NEPHILIM (ashen, kimble, stiffy, carv3d, magnum)

After suggesting we do a draft for no apparently good reason, Nephilim conceded and made a team to try and compete in a game that isn’t their own. They are CoD1 veterans with a mild but consistent disdain for anyone who calls Call of Duty 2 a real game. They feel superior by default because they played before the BAR became a useless relic of the past. Magnum is their scoped specialist and world class baiter, who denies he baits , but somehow always survives for a nice little stat padding 1v3. Ashen is a solid shotgun threat and also the neighbourhood watch captain of the CoD1 discord, banning anyone who he doesn’t know and shoots back because in his world, that means they must be cheating. Kimble the catman is exactly as unpredictable as that nickname suggests. He runs around with a thompson and sniffs glue. The man is arguably a top 3 most attractive man if we use his profile picture as a reference. But who knows what he really looks like. And then there is Stiffy who might arrive halfway through groups after taking his daughter to her first tuck n treat, which is either a wholesome or clinically insane event. Stiffy had multiple suggestions and worries about LAN, and in typical cabal fashion, none of them were taken into consideration. And then the community tries to say that the cabal isn’t looking out for them. You’re welcome.

Nephilim play with stubborn pride, old school egos, and hold most CoD2 players in very low esteem, unless they are rated in the CoD1 discord. If contempt was a valid strat they would win many more rounds. But bless them for making a team to push the barriers between the games. In true gentlemen fashion, they’ve stepped over their pride and accepted that the lesser game was being played, and made sacrifices to be competitive.

If they figure out their chemistry, they can take a map and be a party pooper for the mid tier teams. It is actually very, very possible. Look to Magnum and ashen to pop off in couple of matches and make teams sweat.

12. REGICIDE (wrenches, birdman, bcj, carbs, thomas)

 

Regicide is a last minute pug thrown together by Commander Wrenches, a player talented enough to be dangerous in any game he touches, if he can keep his dick in his pants, and his hands off the men surrounding him. From the outside looking in, it looks like Wrenches did not care about building a traditional CoD2 roster. He wanted to play with friends first, or anyone available, and worry about the rest later. And it shows. This team runs around like rabid dogs and tries to hump anything that moves. Most of these players, though, are proven competitors online and in other games, but their actual CoD2 experience ranges from questionable to unknown. Unfortunately, I don’t know who Carbs is, and had him mistaken for carv3d while writing the first draft of this article. Thomas is a known CoD2 hater but ridiculously funny, and has a solid bolt in his pants. Birdman and wrenches are the true veterans of this squad, if we’re talking about CoD2, and although Birdman has been casting most of the KoTH and cups, he has been whoring himself out to any team in need for the last couple of months, in search for a relevant team. Unfortunately for him, this was the result, but he has an opportunity to uplift them, being a true cornerstone and leader, as the official poopgun shotty of Regicide. Also, the Prince of Gaming himself has bestowed his favour upon the masses in honour of this ridiculously stacked Columbus LAN. BCJ, the only true paid gamer-athlete, is making an appearance, and all must bow in submission and kiss the ring.

If this LAN involved any relation to CoD4, we could argue this team could finish top 3 at a minimum, but unfortunately for them, the Columbus LAN involves a real game. This squad could show up and shock people with raw mechanics and the power of friendship or they could spend the weekend trying to figure out how to plant the bomb. 

Even Regicide have no idea what to expect from themselves, which might make them the scariest kind of team to face at LAN 2.

13. STROKERS (loose, forsaken, abK, warboy, hero)

Strokers are not here for stress or strategy or esports documentaries. They are here to party, shoot guns, and collect memories. Led by Loose, the most lovable man in the CoD2 community(tied with cru!zer) and the beloved leader of the Shotgun’s Union, this roster has already won the people’s hearts before a single round has even been played. Forsaken is projected to win the unofficial LAN kissing contest, racking up all the numbers, and Hero will be heard echoing through every hall in Ohio… because he is physically incapable of playing the game at a normal volume after spending his career gaming from a tiled bathroom. And then there is Warboy, the sleeper star who might actually light someone up and turn this feel good story into a possible upset run. ABK will be on standby, selling crypto and overpriced CoD2 servers in a dark corner of the Gaming Arena, actively looking for sponsors. 

All jokes aside, to be perfectly keen, ABK has played a major role in the revival allowing many of us to throw nades for hours on end, sponsoring the community with the best servers possible for pugs and teams to scrim, and mainly to compensate for the awfulness of /g_antilag 1. Thank you buddy. You fueled the competitiveness, and without you we’d still be playing on Awakening’s horrible server and booting them up on uHost. (thanks uHost also, you started this whole thing back in 2021-2022)

Also a special shoutout to Loose and cru!zer, who taught Panther everything he knows about strats and timings, so that in the end, John could pretend he could lead a team strategically.

Obviously, Strokers are not expected to win the tournament, but they might win in every other category that matters.

The beauty of this event is, a multitude of competitive teams, and honestly, more than we’ve ever had in the last two decades, along with 65 players that enjoy the game to different degrees, all coming together to make something of importance. Whether socially, competitively, or just to feed a raging alcoholic addiction. We’re here. And it is still, without question, the most competitive CoD2 event we’ve ever had ever since WSVG.

Even with all the autists and idiots, there’s 90% of you that are the reason why we do this all year. Whether orchestrating a league, writing articles, tweetermanning, collecting unreleased stats, casting until 1am, vod-watching, and organizing the plethora of VODS that we’ve accumulated over the years into a comprehensive archive, well, someway somehow, we enjoy it. I’ve been at my computer since 4:15pm, rescheduled a night with the wifey, and it’s now 1:49am. Yeah, I won’t lie, you have to love it to do this.

We know the loudmouths that whine constantly are just a very small sliver of the community. And they also understandably, just do it for the content. Just to be heard. Or even to get the cogs moving to make the game better.

Hopefully we’ll keep on doing this until we can’t shoot like Panther or have LAN-induced Parkinson’s like Tipzy, or until Harold releases his game which is now 5+ years in the making.

 But from me, and all the media boys, and the organizers and everyone involved in this love-hate affair of a community.

Thank you for playing. Truly.

Firm handshake and no smile in Columbus.

See you Thursday.