The last author of these Power Rankings did a fantastic job, but not just for entertaining us all season, but also for generously giving his time to a community who’s attention span is close to nil. But when you’re on a team, there are certain egos you can’t afford to bruise. This time around, you’re getting rankings from someone with no teammates to protect and no filters to apply. No agendas, no politics, no sugarcoating. No more Mr. Nice Telly. It’s the end of the season, play-ins are around the corner, and the dust has mostly settled. Here’s how the top 8 teams actually stack up, whether they like it or not.

#1 – Awakening

No Snooze Button

If you thought going 12-0 against Plus Forward on Dawnville was a fluke, think again. They just went 11-1 on Burgundy, and against Bricked Up, no less. Xlzz looks like he hasn’t missed a beat since stepping back into the scene, and with the team recently picking up NoSound, they look stronger than ever.

Fortunately for Awakening, yesterday, Tipzy got called in to work last minute, forcing NoSound to fill in. He did not disappoint, and now we’re all wondering if that’s Tipzy’s rightful place. On the bench.

And if you’re wondering whether this author is biased, yes, absolutely. Biased towards the truth. The only truth. Awakening beat both of the other top teams in their group, and that earns them the number one spot. Not based on LAN. Not based on scrims. Just the season.

#2 – Janitors

Mop, Rinse, Repeat.

Oh yes. No one can deny. Janitors are consistent. Consistently good. Yes, they had a rough patch on Burgundy this week, the so-called proclaimed PUG map, and they clearly didn’t take Old School seriously, all while juggling a record number of three wifey birthdays in the same week. It nearly led to an upset, but protectors of their flawless record, both in their marriage and season, Janitors won. And Janitors keep on winning. The only reason they aren’t ranked first is because their group is, frankly, softer than Group A.

With Check Six possibly causing an upset tonight, who knows, they actually just might make me eat my words. But with Jayy and Gl4d hitting full stride, and the team finally clicking, they’re going to be incredibly tough to beat heading into playoffs. The chemistry with this new roster is coming together in a timely fashion, just when it matters most. When your top fraggers in Hostage and Nytrix become an after-thought, and their 20 bombs almost forgetful, you know you’re in a solid position.

#3 – Plus Forward

Dr. Shell and Mr. Zack

The duality is flagrant. Sometimes they can look like a stitched-together Frankenstein roster, other times, they look like steamrolling monsters. No one knew if this team would even stay together after dropping 12 straight rounds to Awakening on Dawnville, but they proved to everyone, and maybe more importantly, to themselves, that they’re here to break the bank. A huge win over Bricked Up on Breakout cements them as clear-cut contenders heading into playoffs.

They’ve been rotating players and giving teams different looks depending on the lineup they use, and whether Panther, the community’s most annoying but somehow indispensable bald nurse, has a bedpan to change that week. Regardless, they’re making it work. Shell seems unstoppable, and Zack is playing online, so we all know what that means. They’re in prime contention for the GOTN Season 1 title, and if they do win, we’ll never hear the end of it.

Unfortunately for them, if Awakening didn’t dodge the Carentan match-up, they could be ranked #1.

#4 – Bricked Up

‘Member Dallas?

Bricked Up has been on a bit of a downfall lately, which understandably happens to every great team. But it’s a steep drop for a squad that were the Dallas LAN titans. And they won’t let us forget it either. They were winning, and according to them, they will be winning again. Still, in their last two big match ups, they’ve managed a total of five or six total rounds. That’s not ideal, and definitely a little worrying.

But if any team can keep a stable mindset, keep insulting and poking each other at every turn, it’s Bricked UP. I’m looking to Doug and Mark to pull this squad together and remind us exactly why they won, and what they were like, at the Dallas LAN. This is only the regular season after all, and championship teams step up when it matters the most.

#5 – Check Six

Neck Pammed and Jet Lagged

Unfortunately for Check Six, they might have been a little too enthralled with the South American League lately and have lost a step or two in the past couple of weeks. It’s normal for a team that’s been grinding for what feels like forever, even though, in reality, they’re actually a pretty new squad. But exhaustion is a real thing, and it might finally be catching up to this team of seemingly tireless gaming dads.

The Neck PAM hype only lasted for so long, and now they seem to be quietly taking a step back. Maybe a smoke change is in order to bring some life back into this squad of grinders. Fortunately for them, a real map is on the schedule for week 8. Look to Will to still be dropping bombs while typing in Discord mid-round.

#6 – Goons

Gooning for Columbine

Goons find themselves in the chaos of Group A, and frankly, they’re a talented and stable addition there. They lose the matches they should be losing and win the ones they should be winning. Nothing more, nothing less. Scrimming them is like playing football with the monkeys at the zoo. At some point, someone’s shitting on the court and smelling it. With all that said, they’ve earned their number six spot.

They’re also harbouring known cheaters like Zexi, also known as Top10PlayerZexi, and if he goes ham, they might finally cause an upset. Look to 1200 to maximize his abuse of head shot angles while CoD2x remains unimplemented server side during the playoffs.

#7 – Nemesis

Full-time Edgers

Speaking of harbouring known cheaters, Nemesis have been on a roll lately, pulling off an upset over Check Six just last week. Fittingly, a dazed and distracted Check Six, fresh off their South American League honeymoon, got finished off in poetic justice by a Mexican. THE Cpt Miller. But lucky for Nemesis, it was on a PUG map. A very convenient timing for them.

Nemesis have edged out just about every match this season, turning every series into a heart attack special, and last night was no different, with a huge win against Old School in double overtime to secure their 3rd spot in Group B. This was a win powered by an almost-40 bomb from Greg, aka Superman, who has finally woken up from his stupor and stumbled out of the phone booth. Cape on.

Lucky for them, they are guaranteed a playoff birth, which might have just let them escape an early exit in the play-ins.

#8 – UP

The High School Sweetheart

UP is like the high school girlfriend you’ll always love. You’re happy when she wins in life, you wish her the best, but she has a weird habit of making bad decisions. Still, you’d always grab a beer with her and reminisce about the good old days. And maybe even play a 9-hole. Or a chance at second-hole.

UP has been on a steep climb ever since their Ayahuasca outing in Mexico. And clearly, there’s nothing drugs, alcohol, and a good pair of tits can’t fix. Which is what Caseman had been trying to say all along. No doubt, everyone with a full head of hair and a sensible mind is rooting for them to fulfill the comeback.

Look for the boys to squeak into playoffs, just in time to try to make some noise.

The beat go off?

With the play-ins just ahead, some teams are peaking, some are free-falling, and some are just here to cause problems, in discord, or in-game. These rankings aren’t predictions. They are a reflection of what’s happened, what’s working, and what’s breaking down.

The story writes itself from here. Let the play-ins, and the playoffs begin.